"Jennifer stood there, ovulating quietly"

Some days, this blog is harder to write than others. There are days when nothing spectacular happens and I really have to think hard about my day because otherwise that day won't have a post at all. In some ways, that's good because it really gives me a reason to reflect on my day. Other days, it's hard to write because there are a number of things that could potentially be a "favourite thing".
Today was one of those days where a bunch of stuff happened that I enjoyed but either I have already written about them or it was hard find the favourite thing in the story. For example, I cooked supper today and pretty much burnt the crap out of it and ended up with a pot that I still haven't been able to clean. I asked my sister if it tasted okay despite that burnt chicken and the burnt sauce. She thought that was an odd question and likened it to saying "despite the fact that you lost your arms, did you enjoy the rollercoster?" I thought that was a rather amusing way of putting it but I had no idea what the heck my favourite thing would be in that particular story. Burnt food? Impossible to clean pots? Snarky comments? Maybe that last one, but I've written about my love of snark a number of times.
So instead, my favourite things today are the contests to come up with the worst opening lines to novels (e.g. The Bulwer- Lytton Contest, The Lyttle Lytton Contest). The Lyttle Lytton contest is actually where the title quote is from. The contests vary in that the Bulwer - Lytton allows for longer entries, but they can only be one sentence and must be previously unpublished. The Lyttle Lytton can be more than one sentence and have been previously published, but it has a stricter word limit attached. Some of my favourite entries from this years contest are below (BL-Bulwer Lytton, LL - Lyttle Lytton):

• "She walked into my office on legs as long as one of those long-legged birds that you see in Florida - the pink ones, not the white ones - except that she was standing on both of them, not just one of them, like those birds, the pink ones, and she wasn't wearing pink, but I knew right away that she was trouble, which those birds usually aren't." (BL)
• "The dame sauntered silently into Rocco's office, but she didn't need to speak; the blood-soaked gown hugging her ample curves said it all: "I am a shipping heiress whose second husband was just murdered by Albanian assassins trying to blackmail me for my rare opal collection," or maybe, "Do you know a good dry cleaner?" (BL)
• "Their relationship hit a bump in the road, not the low, graceful kind of bump, reminiscent of a child's choo choo train-themed roller coaster, rather the kind of tall, narrow speed-bump that, if a school bus ran over it, would cause even a fat kid to fly up and bang his head on the ceiling." (BL)
• "As Lieutenant Baker shrank his lips back to their normal size, he tried desperately to think of a situation in which his new-found power might be useful, as have I, your narrator." (BL)
• "I have the ability to go through time, he suddenly remembered while at a bus stop near a tree." (LL)
• "Deborah walked briskly down the street with pants on her legs. " (LL)
• "A leg and part of a torso lay on the sidewalk — the remains of Alan Tompkins." (LL)

Those are just some of the entries. I highly recommend checking them out for yourselves. There are many more amusing entries. I also found the commentary on the Lyttle Lytton site to be quite enjoyable.